you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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