Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Randomize
