How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
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Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize