I murdered the dance floor call the cops
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
