I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
