Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
