the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
