Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
my god I love twenty year old dicks
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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