I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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