i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
i wish my penis had a tongue
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
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