I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
