I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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