home. puking in laundry basket.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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