dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Randomize
