You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
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just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
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FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
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