I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
