at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
