The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
