My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
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I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Also, beer. Big fan.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
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I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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