A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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