I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
It's no shave November. This is our time.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Randomize
