if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Randomize
