; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Randomize
