Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
After tacos, we're chasing women.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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