you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
