Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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