thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
