Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
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