so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
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You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
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I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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