i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Randomize
