you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
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