I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
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