see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Randomize
