Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
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