I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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