He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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