He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
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