i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Randomize
