By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I came so hard my ears popped.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
