omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
