It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
