HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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