I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
