So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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