It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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