She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
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Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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