It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
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