Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
