I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
