Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
