so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Randomize
