i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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