closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
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I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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