Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Randomize
