Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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