i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
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