peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
zippers are such a cool invention
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Even the bartender felt bad for me
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize