he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
