I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
